February came faster then ever. This surgery would be the first of 2 steps to get me tumor free. The procedure was a right lung video-assisted tumor removal. They removed 3 tumors laproscopically. Surgery went great and the healing process was not very long; one chest tube, which was only in there for about a week. Once I had been about 3 weeks out from the surgery it was time to have the March surgery. The March surgery was much more involved. The surgeons would remove a tumor from the bottom of my lung as well as remove half of the upper lobe. I did not know what to expect, but the fact that the other 2 lung surgeries had gone perfect....I thought this one would be the same.
I woke up from this surgery and was extactic to see that everything had gone great. However, I was supposed to exercise my lungs by breathing into a inspirometer.
Normally when patients breath into these things they are careful, gentle, and scared to really push themselves.....but not me. I, being the go-getter that I am, gave 110% when I did it. Of course, what happens.....I split my incision. This caused my lung to leak air while it was trying to inflate. My recuperation went from one big chest tube to 2 little chest tubes in and outside my lungs. Everyday it was a guessing game as to whether or not a tube would be adjusted. Really this was probably the WORST time ever. Every other day I had the tubes adjusted; which involved loopy meds and an operating room.
One time I ate breakfast, thinking that it would be an uneventful day in the hospital, when they really wanted to adjust a chest tube a little. I have never been in a more stressful situation then when I was on the operating room table with only minor local numbing medicine, getting a tube that is inside my body adjusted. The procedure never hurt, but it was 2 hours of pure panic waiting for the time when it would hurt like hell. I have never been the same since; actually kind of a baby when it comes to surgeries now. I just insist that they put me to sleep for everything!!
So weeks of tubes and uncomfort later, I was recovered. It was time to return to school and finish out the next month or so. Graduate school has turned out to be pretty easy adventure. Most of the classes are just based off case studies and real world situations. We no longer learn meaningless stuff that we will regurgitate onto an exam. We look at cases and decide what we would have done in that situation. I love it!!!
Spring means baseball season in my life. Dan is a college pitching coach who one day hopes to have his own team. Right now he coaches for a junior college close to my school. We see each other whenever possible, but springs are never easy for me. I find it hard to go through all this stuff without him by my side all the time. I understand I don't need him there for everything, but when he is there it makes such a difference. This is something that is a pretty big issue in our relationship, I think it is because we both want to be happy while making the other one happy. Either way, planning our life together when we are apart...is a little backwards. Sometimes I wonder if he puts the distance between us because he cannot handle the issue. Cancer is a lot to think about, and I have certainly been through it all, and maybe this is his coping mechanism. But where does that leave me? Am I supposed to wait until he can wrap his mind around the fact that my days are invaluable and that they should be spent with the one I love? What is the alternative....having no one? I wasn't sure I was going to blog about this, but I feel that it is something that is relevant to any cancer patient. Having a relationship while having a terminal illness is stressful. I am grateful everyday that I have Dan; and he is the love of my life. But we have had our issues, this is a situation neither of us wants to be in. Sometimes it is important to see the story from both sides. Dan hates seeing me uncomfortable or in any pain. So can I blame him for not being there for everything, or be grateful for what he is there for. I have decided that it is best for my life to be grateful for what he is there for. Though it is hard, I understand where he is coming from.
With 2 surgeries down, all that was left was a little tumor in my right glute muscle. This would be taken care of in June.
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