The life with cancer begins

Hello out there,

We had to leave Frostburg to go to a different place; somewhere where they would be able to help. I went back to the dorm to pack a bag; though I had no idea what to pack or how long I would be gone. I called a couple of friends to see before I left. Jodi was of course there every step of the way. Jessie came by the room to make sure everything would be ok. I went to my friend Matt's dorm to tell him the news. He didn't believe me, I explained to him that I may have cancer and that I had to leave school, he still would not believe it. I left school that day in the back seat of my parent's car. Through the side view mirror I could see the reflection of my Dad's crying face. I had never seen him cry before this day. We didn't know what we were in store for, could not imagine what was to come. All we could do was have faith.

It was April 19th, my first day at NIH (National Institutes of Health), the day when I would get the worst news EVER. I went into "the room". It was this little room in the 13th floor clinic that was to the side of the waiting area. We had never been there before and we already knew that this was a room that you never wanted to go into. It was me, my mom, my dad, and Lindsay...and 4 doctors. They told me I had Ewing's Sarcoma; which is typically a bone cancer except in my condition. Things I was told when in that room: 1. I would never have kids 2. I would lose my hair 3. I would be fighting a hard battle 4. I could not return to school the following year 5. there is not a good success rate with this type of cancer 6. Don't read anything, and probably a lot of other stuff. I was in a 3 week daze. I was taken into a larger room for my initial blood draw. This would be my second time ever having blood drawn and I think they may have left me with only a pint in my body. 

After that day there were a series of tests. That weekend there was a Maroon 5 concert at Frostburg that I REALLY wanted to go to...this was before they got big. Of course NIH would not let me come back to school and I had to give my ticket to my friend. People came from everywhere, some that we hadn't talked to in years! It was overwhelming. Everyone's support was amazing, their generosity, their kind words, their prayers. This was one of the hardest parts about being diagnosed, having to tell everyone...over and over. My mom would get them first, she would handle the initial shock and give them the details (she is a detail person). Then they would talk to me and everything would be better. I have always been good at looking at the brighter side of situations, who knew it would be such a needed characteristic.

Since they had told me I was going to lose my hair I decided to go ahead and get it all cut off, I donated it to Locks of Love. Did you know it takes about 12 pony tails to make one wig...go figure. I dyed my hair hot pink!! I loved it. I went back up to school to pick up the rest of my things. It was really hard to see my roomy...though she is the best ever. Jodi had gone around to my friends and put together a little scrapbook of thoughts. I still have it today. I went to see my friends Tyson and Timmy (they were the ones who took me to the hospital). My mom and Mrs Hanson came back up to school with me to pack up my things. We went to Dan's Rock (no relation to the Dan we all know) to have a relaxing moment in the craziness that life was. 

I was to start treatment that following week. It would be a whirl wind of emotions. I got treatment in a room with many other people in my same situation. I met many people who had sarcomas; all around my age. There were 6 of us. We would talk and share stories about our lives, what we could come to expect with out treatment, other people we knew. After treatment was complete I got neutropenic. This is when my blood count was down and I needed to stay in the hospital because I had a fever. My coach from when I was 16 came to visit me in the hospital. She was always someone who inspired me and taught me a lot of what I know. Something else amazing happened in the hospital the first time I was neutropenic. I got a phone call from Dan. He had explained to me that one of the volleyball girls had told him the news. He said that he was here for me, and that he would never leave. We caught up for hours again, just like there was never a time apart. I always have said that cancer brought Dan and me back together and I would do it all over just to have the same result. 

Once I was out of the hospital I went back up to Frostburg. I went to see the volleyball girls and the baseball boys. Dan of course being my main draw. However, on this weekend, my hair began to fall out. It was slowly getting out of control. I wore a bandana to keep my hair in control, instead of being everywhere. I decided to ask Dan if he would shave my head (he was already a pro because he shaves his own head). We pulled a chair into the kitchen and had a black trash bag on the floor. and we proceeded to shave my hair off. Mind you this was in the middle of a party (we went on the other side of the duplex). Friends came in to watch, we were all laughing at the situation. When it was done I cried. Cried from exhaustion, cried from fear, cried because I missed my old life already. But I had my family, I had Dan, and I had the most amazing support system imaginable.