The Combination of Chemo and Life

Hello out there! 

Well I had completed 2 cycles of chemotherapy at this point. The cycles went fine typically...a little sick feeling and always a fever after, but I still felt great. While I was in the hospital with my fever my friend Pat was down in Florida seeing a Something Corporate concert. He somehow was able to hang out with the band and I got to talk to the Andrew Mahon on the phone!! It was amazing, Something Corporate is one of my favorite bands. The nurse came in to take my blood pressure after I was off the phone with him and it was extremely high. It is funny when you get to the point in treatment when you measure excitement of an activity by how high your blood pressure is.

Being bald, I decided to see how it would be to wear a wig. I was given a short blonde wig (actually pretty cute), but wigs are extremely hot and itchy. I also had about 4 other long wigs that were given to me. We would try them on and take funny pictures. However, I preferred a bandana. I used my bandanas as another accessory to my outfits. I really loved being bald, so easy in the morning. 

I went to HFS concert and was able to take a cooler. A boy on the metro asked me why I got to bring a cooler to the concert. I told him it was because I had cancer, he proceeded to say that he should just shave his head and pretend he had cancer so he could bring a cooler. I told him I would be more then willing to switch places with him. People sometimes just have no idea. 

Dan and I were still doing great. He was such a great support through my chemo and treatment. We would talk on the phone every night. I decided to make him a scrapbook of our first year together. We all know how the beginning of a relationship can be. It was the best of times in the middle of the absolute worst of times. Hence the name of my blog...Heaven's Hell. It was the best therapy possible. I was able to get lost in the scrapbook and escape from reality a little bit. Dan and me did everything we could together. We went to Point Look Out by his house, an Orioles game, and Great Falls. Did you know that if you have cancer you get a Golden Pass that gets you into any National Park for free!! One of the many perks. We went to a Key's game. Dan had also planned this surprise, we went up in a little plane. I have always wanted to go up in a small plane and just be free in the sky. The pilot even let me fly the plane (we did this move called the Hump-Di-Dump). It was amazing. My parents were concerned that I was running myself into the ground. I looked at it as staying normal. I was holding on to what bit of a normal life I had left. I push on so I can stay strong and hopeful; if I don't do the things in life that I want to do then the cancer has won. I never wanted to let that happen.

At NIH there is a program called Look Good, Feel Better. Dan and me went to it to see what the deal was. They provide make-up and give you a hat. It is a way to make us feel comfortable in our new look. I met an amazing friend at this event. Her name was Shirley Western; she would become one of my best friends. She was 4 cycles ahead of me in treatment. It is really nice to talk to people who are in the same situation. You can tell people on the outside all you want; but they will never fully understand. To be able to have someone who can tell you what you are in store for, or to be able to relate on such a high level was an amazing strength in my battle. Shirley is one of my rocks!

The first set of scans since treatment could not have been better. The largest tumor in my lungs shrunk nearly a centimeter; and the one in my glute muscle shrunk as well (about 25% overall). Everyone was so excited. 

As if I did not have enough on my plate already, I got more bad news. Mom, Dad, and Me went on a vacation to the beach. It was a much needed break. However, when I was there I got news that my Grandfather had prostate cancer. I was heart broken. All I could think about was that he was 80 something and he would be going through what I am going through. It was no more then 3 weeks before this that my great uncle Norman died from prostate cancer. Not really anything positive to hold on to when I heard this news.

The year was turning into a blur, between cycles of chemo, vacations at the beach, living a normal life, summer was slipping away sooner then I could imagine. It was July 31st, I had already gone through 5 cycles of chemotherapy. It was time to be scanned; we were all hopeful based off the last scans. It turned out to be mixed results. The tumors in my lungs grew a little while the tumor in my glute shrunk even more (60% from when I was first diagnosed). I will get a few more cycles of chemo and then proceed with radiation. It is hard to always be strong; but I know this is my role. I have to be positive and stay strong for the people around me. Whenever we have bad news it is the same deal. Mom tells them and then they talk to me. I wasn't sure I could do it forever, but it is important that they know I am ok. In the end, as long as I feel great it doesn't matter what I have gone through. The initial rush of people had died down by now. Some because they can't handle it, others because they don't know what to say. I could not have been more greatful for the people who did stick it out with us. I always got so much strength from visitors and the little escape.

It was now the end of August. People starting to move back to school. All my girlfriends were getting a quad together; I will not be there. This was a hard time for me. I would miss so many memories with them while I was stuck in my reality. Though I would visit Frostburg frequently, it would not be quite the same. The end of August also means it is time for the most AMAZING week of the year. I was told about a camp for kids with cancer called Camp Fantastic. I had no idea what that camp would do for me. My life would never be the same; not that it had not already changed as much as possible.