Real Life....ugh

Hello out there!!!

Well the time has come.  End of the semester; though I do have 2 summer classes to take.  I will have completed the classwork towards my Masters in Administration and Supervision for education.  I still have to complete a practicum (internship), but I figured I would do this while I have a job.  I can not delay real life any longer.  (though some would argue that I am living in the real world and everything else is just a routine). 

I am at a major crossroad in my life and it overwhelms me every time I think about it.  In my mind...and now my mind and body are in the same place (tumor free and a new hip), I am ready to move on, get a job, start a family, live.  However....this is not the situation I am fully comfortable throwing myself into yet.  I can't excape the thoughts of the next low in the rollercoaster of my life.  How can I move on when something so heavy is always on my shoulders?

I am not ready to commit to a full time job.  I want nothing more than to teach kids every day, but that is not as easy as it sounds.  What happens if I get scanned in October....after I have been on the job for a couple months...and I have to get treatment again?  Then I have to explain to my boss that I have to miss school every month for a certain amount of days....how can this work?  One option that I am comfortable with would be to get a job in Maryland and if I have to get treatment, I could get it after work.  This seems like the most practical solution that could eleviate most of the "ifs".  I do not want to let cancer live my life for me....but I feel I can only separate from it so much. 

I guess this is normal.  I have had cancer now for 6 years and have never known anyone who has made it past 6 years.  I am still trying not to "wait my turn".  Luckily, things are still amazing!!!!! I have been going out with friends and living the last few weeks of college free of worry (well somewhat) and pain.  The weather has been great....besides the fact that Frostburg forgot it was May today and decided to sleet and rain. 

My great friend Shirley is coming into town this weekend to be scanned.  She is bringing Erik and the babies.  I am sooooo excited.  I will get to see her on Saturday after I move some stuff out of my apartment. 

I hope everyone is having a great week so far and I will be posting soon.

P.S.  I did send in an application for a teaching job in Howard County.....and I am comfortable accepting a full time job if they offer it too me.  All I can do is apply and see how things go.