Hello out there!!
Been so long....I know.
It has been a little of a whirl wind the past couple weeks.
The Fall has been a blast; between volleyball and teaching, I could not have asked for a better life. Though volleyball season was extremely busy and took up way too much time....I still loved every minute of it. We ended the season 8th (out of 9 teams); but at least we were better than one team in the conference. I will need to find one or two more girls this winter to make this team what it can be. I am excited for the challenge.
As far as teaching goes, 9 days out of 10 it is perfect. The kids are great. One of my 5th graders said a rather insightful comment the other day to his fellow classmates - "I don't need to know how to skip in baseball.......we just have to run". He has some issues skipping and he justified it perfectly.
My kids make me laugh constantly. However, I have to contain myself so the class can stay focused on what I am trying to teach them. Sometimes you just can't help but take a laugh break.
I told my middle school students about my situation. I thought it was the right thing to do because they ask questions about why I need eye drops, or about what my tattoo means, and other little questions. I prefer to be open and not have a huge secret like this. So the conversation went well. I brought the 7th and 8th graders into the same room and talked to them together. I enjoy telling my story and working out the kinks. If I want to someday be a motivational speaker I have to start somewhere. They took it well and asked lots of questions. Of course when I told them my situation we were working on one year tumor free.........if only I had a crystal ball.
When I got my scans in November we discovered something that I hoped would not come for a long time. I was neutropenic (my blood counts were low, specifically my white blood cells). This is not good because I have not gotten any treatment in about a year. As soon as they told me that I was neutropenic I knew it could be leukemia. I asked the doctors if they thought it was that. They said that I did not present the typical symptoms for leukemia but that they were nervous that I had something called MDS; Myelodysplastic Syndrome. This is an issue with your bone marrow where the cells do not develop normally. This is a typical precursor to leukemia.
So what do we do. The typical treatment for MDS is a bone marrow transplant. Being that I have had a transplant in 2005, it is not an option for me. There are too many possible complications. The next option is to do an infusion treatment that is once a month for as long as it is working. This infusion is a medication that could prolong the time before it becomes leukemia. The last option is to sit and wait; continue to live life as I am now and hope that this MDS decides to stay neutral for years instead of months. Every treatment I have gotten has a bell curve for the effectiveness; I have always been on the right side of that curve.......what would make me think this time would be any different. I decided to go with the infusion. I am not ready to sit and see where the cards fall. If this treatment does nothing, at least I would be able to know I did everything possible to help.
That is the kicker really.....that someday (be it months or years) this MDS issue will become leukemia. When it does I will have to get intense chemo and go through treatment all over. I am mentally ready for that battle but I sometimes question whether my body is ready for that battle. All I can do is try to stay out of my head and continue to live each day as I have for the past 6.5 years.
On top of this MDS issue....I have another tumor. The tumor is located on the bottom of my lungs. We will get it biopsied in a couple weeks to verify that it is Ewings and decide what we will do about it.
With this news.......comes an extreme choice to make. Do I continue to work or not? I love everything about work. The kids are great, my boss is great, my coworkers could not be more understanding. But what if I can't handle both......what if I do my body a diservice by continuing to work? The decision has been made to try the first treatment during winter break and see what happens. Worst case, I put in my 2 weeks after the first treatment........though it breaks my heart to have to think about quitting. It is just typical that this would happen when everything was soooooo good.
Dan and I have begun to plan our wedding again, and were planning on Memorial Day Weekend again. However, this news makes me nervous to wait until May. I have a bad feeling that we are pushing the envelope trying to wait until May. So we will talk to the priest tomorrow evening and the situation and see what he thinks. The wedding caterer could not be more understanding......which takes a lot of stress off about the wedding.
So I guess this is where I will leave you to digest for a bit. It has been extremely hard for me and my family. Somehow God has a way of allowing me to make it through my days without thinking of the situation too much. I am not a very religious person but I found myself subconsciously saying the Hail Mary the other day.......who knows; Dan says I was meant to say that prayer at that moment. I say, if God is on my side there is nothing wrong with that!
